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Death, Humour, Life

Hamba kathle, Madiba

I’ve just been informed that Nelson Mandela has passed away. I’ll continue this post some other time.

Hamba kathle, Madiba.

 

My second day at the health spa turned out to be reasonable in terms of quality of life for prisoners  inmates residents.

My husband – bless his cotton socks – braved the trip into the back of beyond to deliver my laptop cable (I am now forever in his debt – and I know the price to pay will need negotiation!). I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his arduous journey was in vain. A fully charged laptop is merely an ornament when there is no connection to the ether or outside/on-line world.

Day 2 began with a phone call. After knocking over the bed-side lamp, a glass of water and my spectacles, I managed to locate the phone and answered with a sleep bleary “Whargggh?” I was informed that my briefcase had arrived & was waiting in reception to be collected. I replied “Schrghph”. After I was partially awake (and completely caffeine-less), it occurred to me that I didn’t have a briefcase and wasn’t expecting anything to be delivered.

My attempts to attend to personal hygiene were thwarted by a drip irrigation system masquerading as a shower. Anyone who has had the misfortune of being in my company in the morning knows that it’s best to avoid contact until I’ve had my caffeine fix and a hot shower. Having been denied both of these pleasures – nay, requirements, set the tone for the rest of my day.

Breakfast, much to my surprise, arrived in a recognisable form – an omelette filled with mushroom, tomato and feta. Very tasty. Having to forgo yet another coffee, I settled for liquid intake of a beetroot, carrot and apple juice – I humbly acknowledge that even though it didn’t satisfy my caffeine craving, it too was tasty.

I spent 15 minutes trying to convince the healthy smiling people in reception that the briefcase delivery wasn’t mine. They were most insistent that I examine the contents of the briefcase to make sure. I was most insistent that I was not in a position to open it as I was not the intended recipient. It dawned on me afterwards that I had forgotten to play the critic/health inspector role, leaving the welcoming committee mega-wattage smile quotients somewhat diminished. I also spent about 2.7 seconds imagining that I was in some surreal, parallel universe Monty Python movie and that the briefcase contained a dead parrot!

I was encouraged to take ‘a bit of exercise’. WTF? I came here to relax. Exercise is not one of my favourite pastimes – especially when I’m trying to ‘chill’! But, like I imagine an actual health inspector/critic would, I donned my Nikes and trudged after the incredibly fit and trim (non-smiley) escort. He led me to a labyrinth of stones, instructed me to collect a stone from the pile provided and walk around the path of stone and reflect. I was asked to place my stone at a point that seemed appropriate. OK. That didn’t sound too taxing. I set off at a leisurely pace, turned to wave at the escort who had already vanished into thin air. I walked, and walked. I reflected and pondered. I placed my stone at what I though was an appropriate place in the labyrinth and on the way back, I pondered and reflected some more. The gist of my pondering was around escaping, both the labyrinth and the health spa, and finding an alcohol outlet as soon as possible.

I got back just in time for my massage.

The massage and masseuse were terrific. She was not a hermaphrodite. She was professional in all respects, particularly when midway through the massage, she stopped. I asked if everything was OK. I should have realised by the look of horror on her face that everything was NOT OK.

 

I’ve just been informed that Nelson Mandela has passed away. I’ll continue this post some other time.

Hamba kathle, Madiba.

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About G Whizz

I'm a wife & mother. I have previously been a widow & single mom. Between 3.12 am and 3.17 am on Tuesdays I have been known to impersonate a human. I suffer from a number of medical afflictions, and consider my weirdness and eccentricity to be one of them. I hope to keep you entertained while I explore the 'WTF' factor of my life.

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